


Phasma's Log Book

by Xperine



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Cards, Diary/Journal, Drama, Gen, May the Force Be With You, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Some Plot, attempts at humor, board games!!, pretty short entries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-10-14 23:50:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10546454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xperine/pseuds/Xperine
Summary: Phasma's Log Book... yeah. What adventures and dark secrets are in store? I don't know. Not much. Probably. Life is pretty boring on the ship. Well, sort of. Maybe just a little.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Diary of Emo Kylo Ren](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5769847) by [Thefandomfanatic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thefandomfanatic/pseuds/Thefandomfanatic). 



Thursday, Entry 0001

Got this new journal. Kinda like it. Matches my suit. Bye.


	2. Chapter 2

Saturday, Entry 0002

Everything going according to plan on Starkiller base.  
Kylo is very happy about getting a Deathstar.  
Hux said to shut up because all of the other Deathstars exploded. 

Hux’s contact case is now missing. Kylo says Millicent took it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Millicent is Hux's new cat)


	3. Chapter 3

Monday, Entry 0003

Hux keeps bumping into things. Kylo thinks it's hilarious. Then Hux tripped and spilled white paint on him. Kylo stopped laughing.  
Not sure what Hux was doing with white paint in the common rooms.  


Or why he didn’t bump into all the other chairs first.  
Or how he can still read his transmissions so well.  
Or why he doesn’t just wear his glasses.  



	4. Chapter 4

Wednesday, Entry 0004

Hux found his contacts again. They now make his pupils look like happy faces.  
He went back to wearing glasses.  
Hux has now started reading books on building entry panels.  
I never knew he was interested in that kind of thing.


	5. Chapter 5

Thursday, Entry 0005

Millicent got into Kylo’s room again. It was quite impressive.  
Kylo always locks his door since she pooped in his box of dust the FIRST time.  
The only way in now is an override code on the entry pannel.  
Room totally covered in orange hair.  
Clothes totally covered in orange hair.  
Hux in unusually good mood.


	6. Chapter 6

Friday, Entry 0006

Going on a mission to the outer rim with some of my troops.   
Going to miss game night.   
Sad.   


Hopefully Hux and Ren will have cooled down by then.   
Probably not. Oh well.  
In light of all of this, Snoke announced team building week.   
We really need it. But I am still super excited. 

Going to win.


	7. Chapter 7

Thursday, entry 0007

Returned from the outer rim. Nice to back.   
Kylo is trying to grow a mustache.  
Almost threw up. Looks terrible.  
Hux punched him in the face but then apologized.  
Said he thought there was an ugly black caterpillar under Kylo’s nose.


	8. Chapter 8

Friday, entry 0008

Kylo shaved his mustache.  
Hux punched him in the face but then apologized.  
Said he thought there was something ugly on his neck.  
Then he said remembered it was just what his face looked like.

Team building starts tomorrow. It should be interesting.


	9. Chapter 9

Sunday, Entry 0009

First day of officer team building. So pumped.   
Hux looked unhappy. Kylo also.   
Started with trust falls.  
Hux and Kylo were paired.   
Kylo said he only trusted the dark side. Hux kicked the back of his knees so he fell anyway.   
Then they switched, Kylo pretended to be distracted. Hux was not happy to be on the floor.   
It was supposed to be my turn, but we decided to move on.  
Just kind of assumed I won.


	10. Chapter 10

Monday, Entry 0010

Human knot was today's exercise. We all held hands and got bunched in a circle. Took forever to fix it.  
Hux is surprisingly flexible.  
Kylo suggested the best way to get out would be to cut off our arms like Darth Vader.  
Hux kicked him in the crotch.


	11. Chapter 11

Tuesday, Entry 0011

Last day of Team building. Hux and Kylo were paired again.   
Snoke said they needed to work on their "cooperation".  
Partners were blindfolded, and each was supposed fed the other the piece of meiloorun in front of them.   
Or they could feed the other the black-caped Mustafar death-pepper.   
I like meilooruns.  
Hux and Ren both ended up unconscious in the medical bay. 

They won’t be able to taste anything for a while


	12. Chapter 12

Saturday, Entry 0012

Hux and Ren still in medical bay.  
Taking care of Millicent.   
Everyone else is too scared to touch her.


	13. Chapter 13

Sunday, Entry 0013  


Polished my armor today.  
Millicent sat in my helmet. She went to sleep.  
Very cute.  
Afterwards it was full of orange hair.  
Not so cute.  
Sent a request for a new one.


	14. Chapter 14

Monday, Entry 0014

Did a bunch of pushups.   
Then squats.   
Then polished my armor.   
Then Millicent puked on it.   
Polished my armor again.   
Bored.   
Miss Hux and Ren.


	15. Chapter 15

Tuesday, Entry 0015

Hux and Ren finally back. Millicent is very happy.  
We all played go-fish.   
They kept giving each other dark stares.  
Don’t think they’ll get over the whole hot pepper thing for a bit.


	16. Chapter 16

Friday, Entry 0016

Dyed my hair bright blue today. Very pleased.  
Walked past a bunch of my soldiers. None of them noticed.  
Feeling deeply hurt. I went back to my room. 

Kylo came in when I was late for parcheesi. He asked changed my hair. Said yes.  
He pointed out it might get noticed more if I wasn’t wearing a helmet. Ops.  
He said he felt a great disturbance in the force, as if thousands of hair follicles cried out, and then turned blue.

I think he just saw the empty dye bottle on the table.


	17. Chapter 17

Saturday, Entry 0017

Power went out in the captain's quarters.  
Someone screamed.  
Kylo blamed Millicent for it.  
Hux now has a nasty smile.  
He has been reading more electrical engineering books lately.


	18. Chapter 18

Tuesday, Entry 0018

Chilling in the common rooms with Millicent. Hux was in his quarters, working on some project or other.  
Heard a high pitch scream.  
It was Kylo.  
The lights went out in his quarters only.  
He is indeed scared of the dark. 

Hux seems very pleased with himself.


	19. Chapter 19

Sunday, Entry 0019

Kylo called Hux short today.  
Kylo is now back in the medical bay.  
They failed to notice that I'm taller than both of them.  
But I was born with a sense of preservation

never call Hux short.


	20. Chapter 20

Thursday, Entry 0020

Kylo burned his toast today.   
Then he destroyed the toaster.   
I had oatmeal for breakfast instead.


	21. Chapter 21

Saturday, Entry 0021

Captain's game night.  
We played poker.  
Kylo and I are both super good.  
Hux still refuses to play until we take the helmets off.  
Wuss.


	22. Chapter 22

Sunday, Entry 0022

Kylo challenged me to an arm wrestling match.  
He used the force to cheat. I almost broke his neck.  
One of my lieutenants stopped me so punched HER instead.  
I guess I should apologize though, I would have gotten in trouble if Ren had died.  
No one to play scrabble with...

Hux says that Kylo’s violent tendencies are rubbing off on me  
No. How dare he.

I punched him in the face too.


	23. Chapter 23

Monday, Entry 0023

I made some coffee in the common rooms.   
They were the extra strong beans I purchased on Raada,  
The merchant told me not to drink them because they were too strong.   
He used them for killing pests.   
Like large bears. 

I asked if they wanted sugar or milk.  
Hux wanted a quadrupole espresso.  
Kylo wanted it 'black like his soul'.   
Hux muttered something about hair dye.

Hux loved it. He has coffee problems.   
Kylo spit it all over the floor.

Those beans were expensive.


	24. Chapter 24

Tuesday, Entry 0024

Kylo is away hunting down that girl who beat him up on Starkiller Base  
Also, there is an new officer from the Outer Rim.  
She spends lot of time poking around the ship and reading  
She acts kind of weird but I like her.  
Hux does not.

Her name is Nott'he Reyor Luking-for.


	25. Chapter 25

Wednesday, Entry 0025

Hux doesn’t trust Nott’he Reyor Lookin-for.  
He says there’s something suspicious about her.  
He thinks she’s a spy or something just because she asked one _tiny_ question  
about the secret military future of the First Order.

I think he just isn’t used to having friends


	26. Chapter 26

Thursday, Entry 26

I asked Nott’he Reyor Lookin-for why she had her hair in 3 buns  
(it's against First Order dress code)  
She said they represented the skulls of her superiors.  
The ones that had complained about her hair.  
She poisoned their food  
And now she keeps their bones in a case underneath her bunk as a warning  
And I shouldn’t look there for anything suspicious like communication technology because she isn’t part of the resistance on a secret mission trying to gain information or anything haha.

She’s so cool.


	27. Chapter 27

Friday, Entry 0027

Nott’he Reyor Lookin-for walked into Hux’s room.  
She farted and left.

I continue to like her more and more.


	28. Chapter 28

Saturday Entry 0028,

Nott’he Reyor Lookin-for was sitting with me at breakfast  
Hux sat down and the two proceed to battle over the ownership of the syrup for ten minutes  
When Hux finally grabbed it she stole his pancakes.  
She fended him off with a spoon.

They don't get along very well.


	29. Chapter 29

Monday, Entry 0029

Nott’he Reyor Lookin-for stole Hux’s knitting  
I didn’t know he had any.  
He chased her all over the ship  
I think he’s making a list of ways to kill her now

Its the morning and Nott’he Reyor Lookin-for is still alive  
I’m very impressed  
Hux was sick all night  
Nott’he Reyor Lookin-for seems very pleased with herself  
I saw her switch the plates at dinner.


	30. Chapter 30

Saturday, Entry 0030 

Nott’he Reyor Lookin-for headed back to her old outpost today  
I’ll miss her attitude... I hope she visits some time  
She was super good at Battleship 

Kylo returned in a bad mood.  
Apparently he never found the girl.


	31. Chapter 31

Monday, Entry 0031

The ship is having a talent show  
Snoke is going to judge  
One officer is going to sing  
Another is going to tap dance  
Kylo said he is going to juggle  
I am going to do card tricks  
Hux is going to take a nap

Hux is no fun ~~sometimes~~.  
Hux is no fun all the time.


	32. Chapter 32

_Dear Diary,_

_Kylo is so cool. I think he's the best person ever, and I would never ever cover his clothes in itching powder or cut his robes (WHICH ARE NOT DRESSES) to the length of a miniskirt. That would make him very sad and vengeful like Darth Vader (he's so cool as well. I think the evil and awesome runs in the family)_

_Otherwise he might think about stealing my diary..._

_Kisses!_  
_Phasmazing_  
_Phastastic_  
_Phasmawesome_  
_Phasma_


	33. Chapter 33

_Dear Dairy,_

_If I didn't have a huge stick up my butt, I would have laughed at Kylo's joke today. He tried really hard on it but no one appreciated the effort. I made him feel really awkward and sad. I feel terrible._

_I also feel really bad about how DID laugh when Kylo dropped his lunch tray in the cafeteria. I don't care what anyone says, there is a point crying over spilled blue milk and he was so brave._

_Toodles!_  
_Phasbulous_  
_Phasma_


	34. Chapter 34

Thursday, Entry 0034

I recovered this book under Kylo's bed today. I was going through his stuff, and I cannot properly express my rage at that moment.  
This now means one of two things:

1\. Kylo stole it and deserves to die (violently)  
2\. Hux stole it and put it it Kylo's room and Hux deserves to die

hm...

3\. Kylo, knowing I would suspect Hux of being sneaky, actually stole it and, pretending to be Hux pretending to be Kylo, hid the book in his own room because Hux would never place such evidence in his own quarters. 

Wait, never mind.

That gives Kylo waay too much credit.


End file.
